It Will Haunt Me Forever

Surreal experience,,,

I thought I already experiencing everything. Nothing prepared me to what I will watch last year. The death of my Mum. It’s still hard until now, accepting the fact that she’s gone.

What made her passing surreal,,, I guess because it was me and my brother who made the call. Our Mum fought brain cancer for 4 months. She was admitted for the last time in ICU on 30 June 2014. Since then she didn’t wake up.

On third day the doctor called me and my brother. He said, medically our Mum already experiencing brain death. Her life now basically because of life support. No need to say that the words hit us hard. Family were called that day and we’re having a family meeting. Whole family decided that me and my brother made the call.

Me and my brother just sat silently while I was trying holding my tears. Then my Grandmum made a plea to us.

“That’s my baby girl inside. As her mother, I beg you please bring her home. I don’t want to see her suffer again.”

Those words hit me hard and I started to cry hard. My aunt hugged me tight. After 15 minutes, me and my brother decided to bring her home, with the risk she won’t hold on much long since we took the life support machine.

On 3 July 2014, families and friends came to saw my Mum for the last time. My colleagues from the office also came to support me. Finally we took my Mum home with an ambulance. During the trip, my brother whispered verses from Holy Koran to her ears. I prayed silently beside him. The paramedic monitored her pulse and said her pulse was weakening.

By the time the ambulance arrived in front of our house, she passed away.

A bit relieved because she died surrounded by family that love her until the end. On the other side, I still feel heavy inside my heart because it was my decision. Seeing someone pass away in front of you, especially it’s your parents, it’s a bit surreal.

It still haunts me until now… Gosh I miss my Mum so much…

*As posted in my other blog to participating in Daily Post Challenge with prompt Whoa!