Few days ago, my friend recommended me about a website called SoulPancake. When I opened it, and decided to join. It's similar with Twitter, but it's more like sharing session. Where someone starts a conversation by asking question and other can discuss it. Very interesting website.

Anyway, I started to responded to some conversations. Then I thought about something, so I wrote it down to get some opinions. My question is why some people love to live in hate.

The reason why I asked this is because we all know that hate is negative energy and will spread it to the surround them. When I found someone who actually love to live with hate, I'm kinda surprise. They sure had a lot of energy to live with it. Honestly, I found myself tired when it comes to hating someone. I learn to suppress it. Not to hate people. I always try to be the one who said sorry first. Not because I'm wrong, but to show some respect.

By hate, you won't find any inner peace. With hate, people always try to find a way to destroy you but in the end it will come back to the haters. What makes the haters blind with this? Are they so drowned with hate so they can't feel peace anymore???

I still learn everyday to create positive energy and block the negative one. Not to make myself tired with hating people. Still lose control sometimes, but managed to recover and change the negative to positive. Every people have their own way to tackle every proble. Hope that you will find a way to block negative energy from the haters,,,

With these words, I truly promised to you,,,
Always by your side whenever you need a support,,,
Always be your ears if you need to be heard,,,
Always be your voice if you need to be listened,,,
Always be your place for you to speak up,,,
During good times and bad times,,,
During rainbow and storms,,,
During laugh and cry moments,,,
During hellos and goodbyes,,,

Just remember, you always have me,,,
I will always be there for you,,,
That's a promise,,,

*picture from here.

I suddenly remember back in 2009, when I finished my undergraduate thesis and presented it before panels, I told my lecturers that I passed the "judgment day". They congratulated me. One of them then added, "Start to earn your master degree ASAP."

I remember that I laughed when she said that. I replied that I want to work first. I spent 6 years in campus, 3 years as D3 student and another 3 years to earn my Bachelor degree. I told her that I have right to "have fun" by having a career and also hang out with my friends, which I'm still doing it now hehehe. She added, "After you satisfy, start your Master degree, and come back to campus to teach."

Teach??? As a lecturer???

Hmmm I remembered my discussion with my friend Shantoy. I'm still a student in Broadcast. When we were having a discussion about future. Shantoy said that she visualize me as a lecturer. I asked her why she thought about it. She said about my appearance gave a feeling as a lecturer. I laughed that time.

Apparently my lecturer had a same thought as Shantoy. My other friends also said the same thing. Some of them said that I should be teaching. But I only laughed at the idea. Truthfully, teaching is never occurred in my mind. I'm like a playful type. To be a lecturer, you have to prepare the material seriously, no matter what is your teaching type in front of the class. With my playful tendencies, I don't think I can do it. Especially to take Master degree.

Lots of my friend already took their Master degree, both in local and international institution. Some of them also got a scholarship for their bright mind. I admired their desire to get a higher education. But strangely I don't have the same desire hehehe.

Just imagining what I'm going through as a graduate student, makes me chill. Lots of papers and research,,, Just don't think I can handle it. The pressure too hard to handle for me hehehe. Not prepare for it.

Maybe the perfect word is LAZY :)

Don't care. I just don't have a plan to continue my study now. But we'll see in the next 3-5 years. Maybe (just MAYBE) I will have a desire to continue my study,,,

When it comes to boyfriend types, I think my type is totally ordinary. Kind-heart man, good looking (although it's relative for every person), and most of all know keep your words.

When it comes to "Keep your words" part, most of the guy that tried to close to me failed. Were they a liar??? Not that thing. I mean in terms of time. Let's have an example what I mean.

Let's call him Mr. X who wants to know me closer. So we planned to hang out with some friends and he pick me up. He promised to pick me up around 10 AM. I spared 30 minutes in case of traffic etc. But he showed up around 11 AM. Of course he apologized about his tardiness. Fine with me as long as he keep me posted. He promised to do that next time. After a fifth time, I called it quit. He still late without any notification. Before we officially in relationship he always late like that, what's next???

I know it's not fair sometimes, but for me with 30 minutes I can do many things, not wasting my time waiting without any confirmation. Some of the guy I know sometimes didn't say anything and when 15 minutes left to our appointment, they cancelled. While I already waited there with worry, thinking something happen to them because no words they sent to me.

Cruel?? That's how my family raised me. As a person who treasured time when you meet someone. If you promised to meet at 11 AM, try to arrive 30 minutes earlier. You can reserve place earlier and show your appreciation to the person. If you happened to be late, inform your friends that you're late. That's what I did with my friends. If we don't have any "pulsa" left, we sent 1 last SMS that we're late and couldn't reply or phone back. Simple.

I already told them at the beginning that I hate late. Even with my ex, we already fight because of his 2 hours late because he overslept and I couldn't reach his phone. He kept thinking that it's not a big deal. Something that made me explode.

I'm not a materialistic girl. Just a man who can keep his words. But to find a person like that,,, I think it's a long journey for me.

_Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
(One Republic – Stop and Stare)

Lately, I felt so much tired. These simptoms, it happened before. Last year, around June 2011, I felt this way. Tired, headache, bored, you name it. Not because I sleep late in the past 2 weeks. But beyond that. The reason why I sleep late because I was busy to find something to overcome my boredom.

Well, my Mum is here, so I should be happy, right? Yeah, I’m happy she’s here. I don’t want to be a bad daughter, but for this situation I need a total seclusion. No family, no friends, just me. I imagine all the time, me sitting in the beach cottage. I’m sitting at the porch, coconut by my side, books in my hand, and wind stroke my hair. Simple, eh???

Instead of beach, I choose cafe. Instead of coconut, I will pick a cup of coffee or a cup of chocolate. Instead of book, I type in my laptop. Instead of wind, air conditioning will accompany me in my solitude time. Yup, no beach, let’s go to the mall where waves of people come and go around me.

On the second thought, maybe I will choose cafe in Senopati. That cafe belongs to my boss’ brother. He recommended me and fellow colleagues to go there when we have time. I think I will give it a try. One thing for sure, I ‘m going to have my solitude time.
Stop for awhile, stare out of the window, find my lost energy,,,

March is full of fun!!!

Let me tell you what happiness I experience and it's only the beginning:

1. My Mum is home
Without any announcement, she just popped up in my cousin's wedding back in February!!! We were shocked, speechless, and cried. She looks healthy and happy. Still loud. Every relatives who saw her went speechless and then hugged her tight, including me. I held her so tight because I miss her so much. She will stay for about a month. So I'm planning to take her to Bandung, spent some time together. She said that she missed Indonesia so much. So do I. She visited me in the office few times. Of course, I introduced her to some of my colleagues hehehe.

Look at her,,, Still beautiful, right???

2. Happy Birthday, Opa
My Grandpa just turned 77 years on 1/3. I thank God for his health. In his age, he still can drive (sometimes speeding a bit), still can do everything on his own (with Oma's guidance) and his unconditional love to his children and grandchildren. He can't say "no" to his grandchildren request, including me. What I admire the most, unlike Gayus Tambunan he's the honest tax worker. He's a living proof that you can be a good leader without any dishonest act. He retired as tax head office in 1991 with good reputation. No scandals at all. He's one of my role model.

So happy birthday to Opa. Wish you health and happiness along the way. Proud to be your granddaughter :)