Okay the first week of 2014 is here. Before it ends, let me write down my rambling here.
Lots of people used end of year as a session to reflect what happen in the past year. That includes me. Unlike other, I reflect more in relationship. When I went vacation to Yogya last December, the thought of my relationships popped up in my mind.
Let me break it down for you.
Since beginning of 2013, I have,,, complicated relationships (yes it's plural). The peak, in September 2013. My relationship for 3 years shattered just like sand castle washed by waves. Fragile relationship since the beginning, we called it off. Since then, I'm struggling with my feelings. I tried to open my heart to someone, several times. Can't say it's smooth process. Yeah lots of obstacles.
I told my friends about it and they understand my struggling. Once in one of my posts, I wrote about my parent's divorce affected me so bad. I can't even trust men and I don't believe in marriage. Although now I can rethink about getting married, trusting a man it's another problem. Sometimes I don't trust my own judgment.
Once I met a man that I thought finally I can spend my life with him, apparently I was wrong. The process itself, really hurt me deeply. Then I found another man that caught my attention because of his wits. Don't know if this is the right guy but I'm willing to try. Hey there's nothing wrong to try something and hope for the best, right?
In Yogya, since I'm stuck in the guesthouse because of heavy rain, sat near window and watched the pouring rain. These thoughts came to my mind. Maybe I'm a bit dramatic that time because of the weather, kinda gloomy. When I thought about my relationships in 2013, suddenly I realized,,,
WHAT A JERK I AM IN RELATIONSHIP!!!
Bad relationships, mistreat nice man, and other things that made me a jerk. Struck me,,, really hard. Wow, I turned into a bitch last year...
Now I'm with someone that hopefully can understand me and make me believe in myself again. If he's reading this, I just wanna say thank you for attention you gave me, smile that you brought to my face, every chat we have, and most of all, accept me of who I am.
Hope this year everything will bring happiness, not only to me, but family and friends, too. I love you all and keep your spirit high in 2014!!!